Let’s be real—conflict happens in every relationship. But not all fights are created equal.
When emotions start running the show and the conversation is going nowhere, it’s usually because one (or both) of you is flooded—overloaded with stress hormones, adrenaline, and frustration. At that point, you’re not problem-solving anymore—you’re just reacting.
That’s your cue: take a break.
Not as a way to avoid the issue, but as a reset button so you can come back and handle it with more clarity and intention. Here’s how to do it the right way—whether it’s just the two of you, or whether you’re navigating conflict while managing family responsibilities.
Step 1: Recognize When It’s Time to Pause
Your body will tell you before your brain does. Watch for these signs:
✔ Your heart is racing. (Above 100 BPM means your brain is in fight-or-flight mode.)
✔ You’re repeating yourself or shutting down instead of actually hearing each other.
✔ You feel the urge to “win” the argument instead of resolve it.
✔ You’re raising your voice, getting defensive, or struggling to process what’s being said.
If any of this is happening, it’s time to step back before the conversation derails.
💡 For Parents: If children are present, hitting pause becomes even more important. Conflict in front of kids, especially unresolved or escalating fights, can heighten their anxiety and sense of insecurity. Taking a break allows you to model healthy emotional regulation rather than unhealthy communication patterns.
Step 2: Use a Signal to Call a Break
It’s important to have a mutual agreement ahead of time that calling a break isn’t about walking away—it’s about keeping the conversation from blowing up.
Decide on a hand signal, phrase, or text you can use when things start to spiral. A few ideas:
✔ A hand gesture (think Ross & Monica’s “timeout” sign from Friends).
✔ A neutral phrase like “I need a reset” or “Let’s take five.”
✔ A text or written note if speaking feels too charged in the moment.
💡 For Parents: If kids are around, pre-plan a way to pause the conflict without alarming them. Something like, “Let’s finish this later,” can help signal to your partner that you need a break while maintaining a sense of stability for the children.
Step 3: Set a Time to Reconnect
A break only works if you come back to the conversation. Otherwise, it just becomes avoidance.
📌 The sweet spot:
✔ At least 20 minutes (your nervous system needs this long to calm down).
✔ No more than 24 hours (longer than this = emotional avoidance).
💡 For Parents: If busy schedules or childcare make it tricky to revisit the conversation, schedule a designated time to reconnect—even if it means waiting until after bedtime or setting a weekend check-in.
Example:
🕒 “Let’s take 30 minutes to reset and check back in at 3:30.”
This keeps both partners accountable and reassures you that the conversation isn’t being dropped—just paused.
Step 4: Actually Soothe, Don’t Stew
A break isn’t time to sit there fuming, replaying the argument, or building your case. That’s just going to keep you stuck. Instead, use the time to actually calm your system down.
Try this:
✔ Deep breathing (4-7-8 method: inhale 4 sec, hold 7 sec, exhale 8 sec).
✔ Go for a walk to clear your mind.
✔ Listen to music, stretch, or do something grounding.
✔ Journal your thoughts without judgment.
🎯 The goal? Come back more centered—not more ready to “win.”
💡 For Parents: If you’re co-parenting or dealing with a high-stress household, it can be helpful to use this time for self-regulation instead of zoning out. If kids are around, step outside for a moment, put on calming music, or take deep breaths while folding laundry—small things that help you regulate in real time.
Step 5: Reconnect with a Fresh Perspective
When you come back together, start with:
✔ Acknowledgment: “That break helped. I feel more clear-headed now.”
✔ Curiosity: “What was coming up for you in that moment?”
✔ A solutions-focused mindset: “How do we want to move forward with this?”
💡 For Parents: If you took a break from conflict in front of your kids, consider briefly reinforcing a positive repair: “Hey, we had a tough moment earlier, but we figured it out. All good now.” This helps kids learn that disagreements don’t mean instability or disconnection.
Final Thoughts
Taking a break isn’t about bailing on the conversation—it’s about making sure it doesn’t go off the rails. When you hit pause before things escalate, you give yourselves a chance to actually work through the issue instead of just reacting.
💛 So next time you feel yourselves spiraling, call the break. Use it wisely. Then come back and handle your relationship like the team you actually want to be.
About Vanessa Zakeya Bryant, MS, LPC-Associate
Vanessa is a Relational Empowerment Therapist and the founder of Power Path Counseling. She provides couples and individual therapy across Texas, guiding clients toward deeper connection and authentic self-discovery. With a passion for the transformative power of aligned action from the heart, Vanessa integrates tools like Neuro-Somatic Integration, EMDR, and Health & Wellness Coaching to help clients overcome communication barriers, heal emotional wounds, and reclaim personal power.
Beyond the therapy room, Vanessa embraces the vibrant natural rhythm of Austin’s Hill Country. Whether soaking in fresh spring waters, crafting a delicious mess in the kitchen, or adventuring with her spirited pups, she’s constantly seeking moments of connection and vitality. A lover of hot yoga and an enthusiastic pickleball player, Vanessa is also drawn to exploring the intersections of regenerative homesteading and human growth in relationships.
🔹 Want to strengthen your relationship communication?
Schedule a consultation today and learn how to navigate conflict with more clarity and connection.
